antitheodicies

by Vess3l

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1.
conception 04:29
2.
fold 10:42
thought i knew my up from down but all i see is what is now past is not the future sound what fog descends condenses on my skin set apart transcendent terror thought i could see it but light that falls is chosen not by me what i see is the unfolding larger tapestries dimensional trees of a cosmic forest and fold unfold and fold unfold everything i know has been known will be unknown and i along with it like all forgotten no wonder tomorrow fades from view no wonder safe is point of view no longer can we wait for you no longer can i think of you and fold unfold and fold unfold
3.
sinai 07:15
and suddenly we see it suddenly some of us feel it it's coming in dark descending miasma or is it purifying darkness? the thundering rolling down the cliffs it's deafening should we repent or give in? we're listening what sounds remain in the absence but dissonance death behind untorn curtains light of the world darkness darkness light of the world darkness darkness abandoned on this molten rock freed to be in want and strife if perfect love casts out all fear are we not beloved? Beloved golden calf steady my reflection neither captor nor brother be consumed in your flames avert my gaze from glorious abyss above heavily crushing insubstantial me light of the world darkness darkness light of the world darkness darkness i'm not scared i'm not scared i'm not scared i'm not scared
4.
freedom 09:58
i can't see far beyond where i'm at through is the how of the mind that we make it past threw a flame at the hive are we free at last? i can't feel love for who all i am who is the one that we slay for the Father's wrath? blue is the flame as it burns through the narrow path i don't wanna burn wanna burn no more i just wanna burn wanna burn some more i don't wanna burn wanna burn no more i just wanna burn wanna burn some more i can't breathe free with you on my neck due is the rage of my mind is it time at last? blue is the face as it cries from behind the mask i can't move far beyond where i'm at do all you can bring the guns don't be shooting last prove that the one that is wrong is the other half i don't wanna fight wanna fight no more i just wanna fight wanna fight some more i don't wanna fight wanna fight no more i just wanna fight wanna fight some more [pass the torch] why did You give us the right to choose? who gets the love of our hearts? make the feeling last who gets the blame of our sin? cut off all the fat why did You plan who would win or lose? who gets the grace of Your light of your bleeding hands? who gets the flame of Your wrath, aren't we all bad? i don't wanna wait wanna wait no more i don't wanna wait wanna wait no more i don't wanna wait wanna wait no more i don't wanna wait wanna wait no more more and more and more and more is there more and more and more and more you are more and more and more and more you are more and more and more and more
5.
unrequited 09:27
now the flames are dying out a husk of all that i have been don't hear me so i scream and shout i'm burning out myself again so pull me close and say my name taste of all my bitter skin or stay apart it's all the same we're all the same love can mean we hold onto our pathogen but you don't even care about me you don't even share you don't even care about me you don't even share i opened up my heart to you i've done the work and felt the pain but you'll just do what you will do your life will ever be the same i'm just a product to consume you love me when you have a taste but to bring me to your inner room my life my love my soul to you can go to waste 'cause you don't even care about me you don't even share you don't even care about me you don't even share you don't even care about me you don't even share you don't even care about me you don't even share why did i think that things could change go ahead go ahead and keep all of it all of it just simply let me breathe again, i'm breathing in can we at least have this everything i have i've earned i've clamored up this ladder, i am resilient don't bother me, i've lacked i've yearned i'll shut the doors behind me like the ones ahead oh God do i even care about you? would i even share? do i even care about you? would i even share? do i even care about you? would i even share? do i even care about you? would i even share? there's not enough for all of us it is getting cramped down here their elevation is not just i have suffered more, you hear my empathy is wearing thin who remains to care for me? better not to love again those different are my enemy do i even care about you? would i even share? do i even care about you? would i even share? do i even care about you? would i even share? do i even care about you? would i even share?
6.
lost 12:38
you were a fading warmth you were a bitter taste you were a pounding sound in my walls you were a spark in the darkness you were a weight on my chest you were the hull, the mast, the sails sinking slowly down the horizon gone from my view only my view then you were quiet surrender loud resignation darkness deliver soft consternation i lost a part of me i lost a part of me i lost a part of me i lost a part of me lying Creator take what You've written promises broken cruel indignation You took a part of me You took a part of me You took a part of me You took a part of me creating creation no consolation life it is given then violent destruction dying Creator Son was forsaken dead will be risen soul will awaken You are a part of me You are a part of me You are a part of me You are a part of me You are a part of me You are a part of me You are a part of me You are a part of me You are a part of me (so can I love you as you are as you are me) You are a part of me (so can I love you as you are as you are me) You are a part of me (so can I love you as you are as you are me) You are a part of me (so can I love you as you are as you are me) You are a part of me (so can I die for as you are as He for me) You are a part of me (so can I die for as you are as He for me) You are a part of me (so can I die for as you are as He for me) You are a part of me (so can I die for as you are as He for me)
7.
Leviathan 13:26
8.
cup 06:36
we slay our sheep to save our firstborn You saved Your sheep by slaying Your firstborn our bread our keep this body was broken You bled you weep for life left unspoken i'm whom Thou knows i'm whom Thou knows i'm whom Thou knows i'm whom Thou knows this cup of wrath poured out on the Earth You drank His wrath what was it worth for a cup of cold water Your life overflows come draw living water our Suffering Servant knows I'm whom Thou knows I'm whom Thou knows I'm whom Thou knows I'm whom Thou knows until we communion again yet will i drink from the cup until we communion again yet will i drink from the cup You came down to be here with me yes will i drink from Your cup You came down to be here with me yes will i drink from Your cup as deep cries out to deep yes will i drink from the cup as deep cries out to deep yes will i drink from the cup until i'm who You meant me to be yet will i drink from Your cup until i'm who You meant me to be yet will i drink from Your cup I'm whom Thou knows I'm whom Thou knows I'm whom Thou knows I'm whom Thou knows I'm whom Thou knows I'm whom Thou knows I'm whom Thou knows I'm whom Thou knows
9.
reborn 04:34

about

making sense of all this.

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released October 30, 2023

thank you to my friends for your care and bravery.

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Vess3l Hacienda Heights, California

We are an amateur music collective that aims to explore personal experiences through experimental soundscapes. We are imperfect vessels straining to convey the glory that comes before us.

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